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This method acting,

well, I call that living....

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January 6th, 2013

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i hate the winter. 

i hate everything about it. 

i hate how early it gets dark and at six o clock i start feeling like there is nothing worth living for. 

i know this sounds ridiculous but about december 22 i start feeling like this. 

every year. 

and i know it's called seasonal affect disorder and i could probably get medication for it but that doesn't sound enjoyable at all. 

i hate that my dog has to die. 

i know i have no one to be angry at because it is no one's fault that he can not seem to stop biting people. 

the first time he bit someone was four years ago and he's been doing it every since. 

i hate to bring this up but it has always been about the first of the year that he bites someone again. 


maybe he just has seasonal affect disorder too.

maybe i should be put to sleep too. 




i know, i know. i am not a dog. 



but really. 

May 2nd, 2012

I don't know why I feel like such a failure. People keep trying to assure me that I'm being irrational. And I know that I am. A job is not all that matters in this world.

At what point in my life did my self-worth become measured by my career?

At some point I picked up all of these characteristics of my Dad's without even realizing it.

There are so many things that should be more important to me, or at least should interest me more. But nothing does. 

I'm trying to hard to have faith. I really am. But, along with these other bad character traits, I seem to have become a crazed, self-absorbed control freak. 







When did I become this person? 

September 14th, 2011


Studying for my first test of senior year and listening to Death Cab. Trying to remember what it was like to be 16. 

I'm hoping this will all sink in by tomorrow. 
 


April 21st, 2011

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blugga blugga blugga. I'm so close I can taste it! 

February 10th, 2011

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Am I broken? Am I old news? 

I'm old and busted.

 


December 22nd, 2010

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Death comes too early for some.
It's hard to get noticed on halloween night
When you're walking like a zombie.
It's hard to go back to school
With a punctured lung.


Death comes too late for some.
It's hard to get noticed on halloween night
When you're a skeleton
It's hard to do much of anything.
When you're a corpse who can't find a coffin.

November 25th, 2010

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 You go and you go and you go. 

Until you can't go anymore. 

October 23rd, 2010

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 My muscles are weak and shaky and I have a rash on my legs and neck. 

I'd sure like to know whether it's because I have midterms this week or if it's the new medication I'm on. 


I feel like laying down and sleeping forever. 

October 15th, 2010

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"The cultural Christianity of America is the Kingdom of God's worst enemy. Like a flu shot, it inoculates people to the real thing."

One of the truest things I've ever read.

October 13th, 2010

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I told him I was drowning, but he couldn't hear me. 
I told him I was drowning, but he couldn't understand me. 
I told him I was drowning, but he couldn't save me. 

And I sunk deeper and deeper and deeper. 
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